Day 20: Personality on Parade

Prompt: The trait I possess that most equipped me for life abroad. OR The trait I possess that held me back the most. Or both.

Alright! It's been years since I've been on the therapists couch. Today it is just me, my sofa, and this interrogating prompt asking me difficult and personal questions, demanding truthful answers. And you, whoever you are, out there listening in. Off we go, into the breach.

I asked Partner-in-Crime to tell me the answer to this prompt, telling him he'd better think hard because whatever he said was what I was going to write about. The trait that held me back the most? He thought for a long time, then said, "the need to have certain comforts, to have things in a way we're accustomed to them. That's what holds us all back." And that, husbands of the world, is how you answer that question. He was completely wrong, but I think you'll agree that, faced with an impossible situation (tell your wife one of her worst traits), he answered perfectly.

Doesn't matter. I already know. The trait that's held me back the most is my deep shyness. It's hard for me to even write that because, somehow, I think of it as a  personal failing. I've been so shy all my life, and as a child found it pretty much impossible to talk to other kids in my class, which resulted in literal years where I did not have any friends at school. Sad bunny. I've carried it with me into adulthood, but somewhere along the line, I somehow developed pretty high level coping mechanisms. I can hide my shyness, now, to the point where I had a boss once say to me, in regard to some personal habit, "oh, that's just how we extroverts are!" I laughed and laughed - in my head, silently, of course. I'm not actually an introvert - I'm what they call an ambivert, which is sort of in between intro and extrovert - which I think helps me. I like people, I just get paralyzed with fear about meeting new ones. So, if you can imagine rocking up to a new country where your entire mission is to meet and befriend strangers. Shyness - definitely not an asset.

I can remember going to a dinner not long after I arrived at the home of a friend of P-i-C's. In fact, pretty much his only friend in this country, at that point, and someone who had extended him incredible kindnesses since his arrival. She wanted to cook us dinner and meet me. So, so nice. On our way up the lift, I felt sick to my stomach and was almost shaking, I was so nervous. Paralyzing and stupid, I tell you.  Multiply that by an entire network of new friends and acquaintances, and you can see why this personality trait is clearly the "right" answer to the question.

 For the record, we had a lovely evening and she remains a dear friend.

Now, for something nice about myself, which I'm sure my therapist would also insist on. The personality trait that has most equipped me for life abroad. P-i-C gave me a couple - flexibility and curiosity. I gave it some thought, and decided that the two have to work in concert.

On flexibility, I do consider myself to be a pretty rock and roll person. I have my hang ups, but for the most part, I can generally go with the flow. I'm not bothered by learning new things, last minute changes of plan, trying new foods, or hopping onto public transport and having an adventure. A lot of the strum and drang I see on expat forums comes from people who aren't willing or yet able to adapt to something other than what they're used to. Me - I'm easy like Sunday morning.

Curiosity partners with flexibility because, whether or not we're able to adapt, without curiosity, why are we even here? Why do we stay? And, why on earth would I put myself out there over and over meeting new people, despite the aforementioned worst personality trait. It's true that I'm inclined towards knowing more, seeing more, experiencing more, and finding out if I can do something (i.e. - can I blog everyday for a month?...). Curiosity is the Captain Kirk of the expat lifestyle, leading us to go where no man (or, actually, probably a fair few) has gone before.

In the end, I suppose it's all a balance. As my never-ending self-improvement schemes enter their second decade of folly, I'm starting to get the picture that there's only so much that we can do to improve our weaknesses. It's silly to lash oneself over what we coulda, woulda, shoulda, maybe oughta, if only... We're so much better off letting our strengths have wings to soar, and letting them show us fascinating new things, rather than letting our hang ups keep us grounded.