It's The Little Things: #14 - De Facto Relationships

And so, we conclude our week of "little things." More to come, eventually, whenever I think of what they are.

It's the Little Things

#14 - De Facto Relationships

In the U.S., unmarried couples can face a good deal of difficulty when it comes to securing rights of partnership, whether it is health care, hospital visitation, or even alimony if the relationship ends. This is true for both straight and gay couples. Here in Australia, they seem to have solved that problem with a legally sanctioned relationship status called de facto relationships. As I told you, I've become a married lady, so de facto relationships don't impact me, per se. They're simply part of Australian culture that I find interesting. And, I personally am all in favor of anything that a government puts in place that lets us conduct our relationships in any way that we see fit.

De facto relationships have certain requirements regarding how long the couple has been together, whether they have joint property, and so forth. It does not, however, make any difference whether the couple is gay or straight - the same rights and obligations are granted. Couples in de facto relationships also have essentially the same rights as married couples.

It seems - from my observations, anyway - that the existence of de facto relationships makes marriage for younger Australians less common. Many are happy to co-habitate for a long time without tying that proverbial knot. One person I know said that she thought that couples are apt to get married when they are ready to have children, but don't necessarily see the need before then. Of course, there are still plenty of couples that get married in Australia ... rarely does a weekend pass when we don't see at least one wedding party in and around Sydney.  But, there's acceptance for either lifestyle choice. And, there's also a sense of responsibility when you are in a serious, long-term relationship.

Thinking about de facto relationships also always reminds me of a story I read of a lesbian couple - one an American, the other British. They'd been in a relationship for many years, and the British woman wanted to move to the U.S. to spend her life with her partner. They eventually worked it out through some crazy bureaucratic workarounds, but the process literally took years and cost them a fortune because there is no immigration classification for their relationship. That story hurt my heart. I know how hard it is to be separated by an ocean for even a few months, let alone several uncertain years. I wonder how many other Americans and others around the world find themselves in similar situations. In Australia, "de facto" is an option on the relationship migration form, and perfectly acceptable.

Interestingly, a lot of people here refer to their significant other as "my partner," which in the States is a term that is generally reserved for gay couples. Even married people might say, "my partner," rather than "my husband/wife." At first, it was a bit strange to say "partner," but it is becoming habit for me, now. I like it. It feels inclusive of all committed couples, regardless of their desire or ability to marry. We're all stuck with our partners, for better or for worse.