Random Breathalyzer Test

Yesterday, while driving home, we had an exciting experience: our very first Random Breathalyzer Test (RBT).

Unhindered by a pesky little thing like the Bill of Rights, Concerned about public safety, the police in Australia run breathalyzer check points, much like the checkpoints that American cops will set up to check registration, license, and fish for more dirt; however, here, each driver must submit to a breath test.  Apparently, they're pretty common. Our (and by "our," I mean Partner-in-Crime's, since he was the one driving) interaction went a little like this. I have tried to keep a full sense of verisimilitude as I report these events, with only the slightest alteration for dramatic effect.

Super Friendly Young Lady Cop: 

G'day! How are you going today?!?

Partner-in-Crime: 

Just fine, thank you. Here's my license and registration.

SFYLC: 

Alright! Looks just fine! (hoists breathalyzer device in P-i-C's face) Now, I just need you to count. I"m sure you've done this plenty of times!

P-i-C: 

No, actually, this is my first breath test. 

SFYLC: 

Oh!?!!!! How fun for you! What a fantastic day for both of us! You're really going to enjoy this. All you have to do is count. 1-2-3-4-5-... Too easy, eh?!

P-i-C: 

1-2-3-4...?

SFYLC: 

You're fiiiiiiine! See, too easy!

P-i-C: 

Well. Thank you.

SFYLC: 

No! Thank you! Really, what a fun day this is! I'm so excited to be your first. I hope you've enjoyed this experience as much as I have! 

Need a cigarette? 

(no, that didn't really happen ... but, practically)

P-i-C: 

Yes, well ... alright ...

SFYLC: 

(waves us on) Have a good day, you crazy kids!

P-i-C: 

That was weird.

Me: 

What a fun day for us!

The whole thing was hilarious, especially as we Americans are rather used to much gruffer, accusatory treatment from cops. Our cop was just so thrilled about her work. I think we should pretend to be RBT virgins whenever we have to go through these stops from now on... I rather enjoyed getting the royal RBT treatment.